Rebooting brain…

At least it felt that way today.

I had taken the day off sick as I figured I would. I went to bed with a headache that I couldn’t easily remedy with some cannabis. I had to go with the acetaminophen (Tylenol) route. When I awoke, the headache migrated, so an ibuprofen to hopefully help with inflammation.

I didn’t default to cannabis this time because I was getting ready for bed, and my 5-year old was sleeping nearby. I certainly don’t mind vaping when he’s around (in the house) but I still don’t like to vape in the same room as him!

I have drawn a line!

That being said, I don’t vape high THC cannabis during the day when he’s around and I’m primary care giver. But really, that doesn’t happen all that much.

Ooo, off on a tangent again eh?

Right, back on track… I felt like my brain had a bit of the random thought chaos happening and I wish I could’ve captured all of the ideas, but I did manage to jot down a couple. When I feel that creativity flowing, it’s hard to bottle, especially if I’m not feeling well.

So here’s hoping I can assemble a post of two out of those potentially random amalgamations of words dictated into an app… Hope it just wasn’t random gibberish!

But anyway, let’s see what 2021 brings. Hoping it brings an end to Cinnamon Hitler’s shenanigans, and let’s see if that Yurtle the Turtle villain gets silenced! Please 2021?

Also, voter reform! Someday, right? Huck it, chuck it, football?

There is egg on my face?

Well the new year has started, and I feel like my accidental vacation from this blog may be over!

So why not have a little story time of something that happened to me today!?

If you don’t know, I provide tech support to customers over the phone. A very socially distant vocation!

I feel like I conduct myself in a proper fashion on the phone, and I feel proud of that. I feel like I build good rapport with the customers I serve. I often find myself sucked into a groove with my calls, usually ignoring the outside world.

Nothing like a stern reminder of this fact to knock you off that groove!

I have team meetings twice weekly, and I often have the habit of joining meeting rooms via Microsoft Teams about 15 minutes early so I don’t forget and join late.

Well today I was on a call when the reminder went off to join the meeting. I fired up Teams on my mobile and proceeded to mute my mic, turn off camera, and join the meeting. During those 15 minutes before the meeting, I was alone in the meeting room and heard no one else. I put an AirPods into my free ear and continue my service call.

As I wrap up my call, I notice there are a few people lurking in the teams meeting. I tell the user that the embarrassing issue from the call won’t get documented because it had no impact on the call and that it will be a secret between them and me!

We exchange laughs and the customer hangs up happy (I assume).

I turn my attention to my mobile because as I stopped talking, then so did the people in the meeting. I find that odd, but then I notice I was in fact not muted this whole time!

Ha! The opposite of the “You’re on mute” that 2020 has brought us.

Sure enough there were a few jibes from my teammates and some compliments on the professional comportment on the call.

Even one creepy comment about “closed my eyes and just listened to your call”.

Yikes.

But I had no fear that I said anything inappropriate and was not really embarrassed either. It felt good to know this was only a simple flub. No reason to dwell or fret on it.

Good times!

I thought this was a funny moment, and it has become my anecdote for the day. Laugh along with me!

So this is Christmas…

Well, it is I guess.

I must say, there was a landmark event last night! I was told to leave my kid’s room so they could fall asleep, and so I could fall asleep. This was a special night because Santa. No other reason.

I told the kid I was proud that they were able to go to sleep without someone in the room. Quick as a whip he shoots back that it was a special night, and it was only for Christmas.

Son of a…

Well we all went to bed at a reasonable hour.

Santa and his reindeer had snacks, the tree was ready, the stockings were hung by the chimney with care. And Saint Nick did come!

Our kid even slept in later than I did! Well, MS said I was fully awake at 3h30 and there was no going back to sleep. Just fruitless tossing and turning. Bah. Drank a Monster to get through the morning!

And what a Christmas morning it was! I swear the kid was part Tasmanian Devil! He mowed through his gifts with near reckless abandon. Did he save any tags? No, of course not. Now, thankfully with the covid season as it is, we purchased most people’s gifts for the kid, so we knew ahead of time what was from who!

So what were his highlights?

Super Wings! A whole set including Jimbo. If you know you know.

He also had a huge LEGO score with 2 LEGO City sets and some extra bricks and storage from IKEA. It feels like Scandinavians capitalize the whole word or something when dealing with a proper known? Seems weird, there may be something there worth searching online for.

And a whole mess of PJ Masks.

This kid did not want for much after this haul.

There were many other little things of this and that, but generally well received.

But Santa didn’t forget us. I got a nice new SONOS speaker from IKEA! It got set up before supper, and I got to configure a SONOS app on my phone, as well as my partner’s phone.

Yay setting up tech!

I still have a few odds and ends to set up, but I am glad to say that I surprised my partner with an unknown gift or two that weren’t robes! So I win for that participation in the Christmas shopping. Thanks online ordering! You sure helped this hopeless disabled immunocompromised soul.

as the time ticks away on today, I am amazed at the speed the kid is applying to building LEGO! They are working on completing the last smaller set now… well, medium set!

And speaking of tech and LEGO, I am glad to say that there is an App for that! I loaded it up on my phone and the page by page instructions were available to me! I loaded up a brick queue and the kid kept the physical instructions to follow along and assemble. I did not have to help assemble much at all. Just some general tightening for the loose bricks that would’ve fallen apart with slight pressure.

We shot jabs at each other, joked about stealing each other’s jobs when either of us stepped over our roles. I found the pieces and he assembled. If he tried to grab a piece out of the bowl, I threatened to call the union!

Yeah, all the gifts were nice, but my partner threw together an amazing supper that I devoured. And to put it in perspective, I never finish my plate before my partner. Even if the portions are off. Omnomnom! Delicious.

And I said as much, that’s right, I didn’t say “It’s OK”. Hear me family members, it was DELICIOUS!

D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S!!!

Working on that love language thing. Gifts and words of appreciation. Maybe this emotionally stunted shmuck can learn to love properly?

So fatigued?

It sure feels that way this week!

I even had a shorter than average work week!

So what did I do, and Why am I so tired?

These are probably all tied to MS! Maybe a little… Maybe a lot!

Monday & Tuesday were basic work days. These was a passively attended MS Zoom Christmas party during the work day, but that was far from draining!! I went for bloodwork in the evening… Then I did some Yoga Nidra before bed.

It’s supposed to be relaxing, right?

Well the jury has deliberated. It’s not for me. I did not sleep that night. Why? I couldn’t stiffle the sensations in my legs. I couldn’t shut off my brain! It was a vicious cycle of trying to sleep, and my brain saying “Your legs hurt, they feel heavy, have a foot cramp, rub them but it won’t make it feel better”.

Stupid brain.

So I didn’t sleep Tuesday night. I was a zombie the majority of Wednesday, even called in sick for work. I wanted to sleep but I was in a partially aware state all day no matter what I did. I made it through the rest of the day and thought I would actually try to sleep early.

I’m not exactly sure when my partner went to bed, or even what time our child creeped into our bed. I somehow managed to crush my average night sleep by 2 hours. I was surprised and glad to see a time close to 8 hours!

Thursday work and evening were routine, bedtime as well, except I woke up around 2, and thought I better bail on our bed before the child invades because I know that will keep me up. I didn’t want a repeat of Tuesday night!

I migrated to the spare room and threw on a podcast. Sleep acquired!

Friday night almost derailed me again! I was warm. My neck would instantly turn the cold side of the pillow into the warm side in seconds! The child strolled into the room and I knew my fate was sealed for the night…

But that office bedroom is the coldest room in the house…

So sleeping without comforters in the cold room! Yay!

So while I probably got a couple hours sleep, it still doesn’t feel like enough. As I write this, the child is unattended and entertaining himself! I left him with a raisin bread, peanut butter, and cheese sandwich.

What? No!

It sounds gross to me but he likes it, for some reason.

OK, maybe he’s not entertained anymore. There’s some trouble double jumping to fly in creative mode… I think I’m needed! Off I go…

Another month, another bloodwork

I feel like I’ve lost track, and the only thing changing is the staff.

This month I booked my appointment on a Tuesday. Not my normal night but a change of pace is sometimes appreciated.

First bloodwork since the most recent spike in COVID. A few new procedures, one of which I got to experience when I went for my MRI.

They know my health card number so to minimize contact, they’ve been asking for the expiration.

So, if we are limiting contact, why I still need papers on routine bloodwork?

True, if I have a reoccurring bloodwork which I always have completed at the same location, why can’t that be “in the system”?

I won’t get into efficiencies in the system, not today…

But the next change was being asked to use a provided mask. I was lucky enough to be warned about that process change so I took it in stride and didn’t make any argument for the effectiveness of my mask.

Just roll with it.

A plus for tonight was the lack of humans. I got to stroll in, and before I got my printed ticket, I was called to the registration desk by name!

Such service!

So anyway, zero wait time, lucky me. I head to the room and there’s the nurse with a big plastic screen over the face. First time encountering that level of exposure control, and I think that’s reassuring.

The only down side to the whole thing was the two needles to get a vein.

Back of the hand!

Sometimes I’m not sure how my brain will interpret pain. I think the needle actually stung a bit, but it was only momentary so I was able to ignore it with a wall spot focus and exhale.

Good times.

Oh, and the COVID screener loved my name. So yay? I guess I have a cool name?

Anyway, nobody else wants my blood for another month, so back away vamoires!

Christmas came early

And I am very grateful for my “village”.

A couple weeks ago we ordered a wall mount and TV.

THIS IS WAY OUTSIDE MY PHYSICAL ABILITIES!

So what was I to do? Well I had previously checked that I had a human body to help with this ambitious project before purchasing!

We started a quick “access to the wall” tidy and prepared the living room as best we could. A lot of cries and protests about cleaning toys and moving the TV but they would eventually fade.

Change is hard for the little guy.

Anyway, we got things moved around, and I may just take this opportunity to dispel toys from the living room. Well, the loose toys that is. There are two TROFAST in the living room that will be emptied, purged, and refilled! I will try to have a heavy hand in this, but I just need a place for the purged and trash bits to go.

Tomorrow’s problem!

I hope to convince the kid that the basement is the place to play. Just have to get over the irrational monsters/fear of being alone sorted out. I can’t exactly run up and down the stairs these days!

But tidying aside, my partner’s brother-in-law has arrived with tools in hand! It was nice to see a problem unfold in an engineer’s mind. Also encouraging to see him measure multiple times.

Not planning on messing it up!

Anyway, the sounds of the drill and what I can only assume was an impact wrench type attachment working to secure the TV to the wall were reassuring. We thanked our handy family member and gladly cleaned up the mess of the packaging.

Their work was done, so we could not ask for any more!

So, with the living room half clean, we decided to break in the TV. A few clicks here, a few apps there, and we were ready for viewing!

What do we watch first? Saturday Night Live! Because we’re old and we don’t have live TV so the day after stream is what we did!

It looked glorious above our fireplace! Oh, and we can see that now as well!

Next, as the kid wanted a turn, we plugged in the Nintendo Switch and fired up Minecraft.

It look so much better? What!? It’s just blocks with texture!

Well, we are now on an LCD TV instead of plasma, so the picture is different in sharpness. Fancy! I can only imagine what Animal Crossing will look like!

You know, because I’m writing this instead of playing games.

So the next added benefit to freeing up floor space? I can place my chair next to the Christmas tree for Christmas! Sure, I won’t be able to reach all the presents, but I suspect I could be aided by a little helper…

Anyway, thanks a million for the help BiL! We cannot thank you enough for all the things you do!

I Am My Own Advocate

Today I had a pandemic era specialist appointment with my uhh… Rehab therapy doctor? I’m really not sure what their official job title is, but that’s not super important to the story.

I say I was my own advocate, because in past experience, I haven’t felt so confident of what I’m feeling and how to express it. I usually also attend meeting with my partner who can recall and relay other issues I may have forgotten or unintentionally omitted because I thought it was unimportant.

Today, it was just me and the doctor, over the phone.

It wasn’t even zoom! I could’ve been in any state of partially clothed, but I did have a work meeting to attend so I did get dressed today.

Pants and everything!

So we talked about my mobile and challenges related to it. I got to introduce the mobility aides I’ve tried (Alinker, Voxx, Naboso). Only the socks were known before hand. I felt like a good little helper, scrounging and testing products to help others!

We spoke about my recent MRI, and there were no visible disease progression. Yay! I thought it would be a while until it was reviewed by my neurologist, but I asked and I received!

I still have to redo a walking speed test because of overly picky improvement numbers. They were rounding down and denied renewing the prescription because I was 3% below the level I should’ve improved by.

Bah, I don’t want to be 17% worse than I am! Ain’t nobody got time for that!

We’ll get a good walking day and run a test again to get a good number. I wish I could do it at home, but living at the top of a hill, there’s only downhills from my front door! I’m going to need a nice parking lot to do a social distance walk.

I spoke of all my drugs that are on my file and how I feel they are helping, even the cannabis. I indicated what I take, what potencies, and why and apparently my routines are in line with what other MS users do, so I feel validated that I’m doing that right!

Even if I am a terrible pothead that doesn’t smoke enough!

We even discussed the roadmap for COVID vaccines and how someone with a compromised person would fit in and why it’s not recommended right now.

Spoiler, apparently it’s not recommended for people on disease modifying therapies as it may not be as effective. So we will be slated to get the vaccine mid 2021 perhaps, after further testing.

My partner will get it, and by proxy, keep me safe, in theory?

I spoke about the support group I attend, and how I was a cannabis advocate who presented at a meeting (soon to be two) and the doctor offered to present on anything MS related, even so far as to offer a series!

Hooray! Now I’m a recruiter? Talent scout?

Just a guy who knows things?

Either way, I felt good about that appointment and I felt good about being productive at work. Today wasn’t that bad.

I think I’ll listen to that new Busta Rhymes album as a reward!

We are the product.

So I saw that a bunch of US governments are going to sue facebook to split up the companies or some such nonsense.

We are a bunch of ones and zeros as much as we don’t like to admit it.

And honestly, I would prefer being a faceless number in the crowd, but I think I’ve expressed that I would like some form of ownership over my digital data.

We’ve all been there, given over all our precious data for a free game or service. I’m looking at you campus credit card sharks.

But who owns our data, who should, and how much? These are all very excellent questions. I don’t have the answers, but I’ll sure ponder them!

Basically, I see the world as a whole. We’ve got countries that divide us, countries are hashed up into county, and communities. It’s like a matryoshka! Go even further, and there’s neighbourhoods, and finally families. Finally? Well, I guess individual people as well!

See, I don’t really think when I write these posts so it’s all a free forming thought bubble that nobody gets to pop until it’s done! I see you comments and the potential pin prick!

So what if we had a permeable mesh of information that was accessible by higher levels based on requests made weekly/monthly? I know companies need to advertise, money needs to flow for infrastructure and such, so why not let them have the data anonymously? And in the interest of “shop local”, the specificity of the information would be obfuscated.

For example, local town restaurant wants to advertise and research interests in menu items. They would query the town’s access to view the residents preferences. If a large chain, like MacDonalds, wanted information, they would only be able to query at the level they operate.

As a large, worldwide organization, they would see the world, query the aggregate data of the world, and no drill down. They don’t get to know the lesser markets by default. I see them as a franchise, and I get that technically, local people would be the operator of the restaurant, and in theory would have access to community level information, and that is fine. They don’t get to implicitely provide the information to the mother corporation. They can hold their little strategy meetings but we wouldn’t faceless headquarters making the low level decisions based off overly personal information about people.

Him, I think this has some meat on the bones. I guess it’s a #humanFramework kind of night.

OK, so then what do you know about business anyway?

Oh not a damn thing! I just know that there is a lot of value in information, they had a whole cold war about information that is arguably going on!

Aren’t these dystopian thoughts?

Hey, I’m not against a dystopian level of oversight exactly. I think that oversight should be one level up.

One thing I took away from my time working at a homeless shelter was the community involvement the front line staff got with the homeless community. They got to know the people, and understand them better. Then when they see them out in the community, going about their business, they won’t instantly be pegged as a criminal and their potentially odd behaviour isn’t labelled as a danger.

Something like this could probably benefit the whole BLM movement as well, as I’m sure I’ve heard them speak on that topic before.

But yeah, a crazy mesh of information access, and community management. Also, companies aren’t people. Ideas aren’t property. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Don’t be a dick.

I’m done for now, rage with the machine?

Missed it by this much…

So I had an MRI this morning. It was super early for my family to get up and gone for the day. When I rolled out of bed, to my surprise, the kid was in the living room watching TV! We timed dressing up and departure with show endings. I even loaded up an iPad with shows to keep the kid occupied!

We are go for early MRI!

So in the COVID times, the number of people allowed in the hospital is limited. So I was going to be on my own for the longest walk in weeks!

You can do this!

I managed to get to the elevator and reached my floor. I think I am starting to run out of steam. I forgo getting a number and just sit my ass 2 meters behind the person at check in. The “Take a Number” dispenser was just a touch too far to be worth it. I think the lady behind me understood. When the next person was called up, I stated I didn’t take a number. A quick eye glance to the woman near me and she confirms I had made it there first.

Yay! I skip standing up and just walk to the desk while sitting on my rollator. I only had to confirm my medicare number through the barrier, which was nice. I collected my papers and started towards to MRI room.

Woah, that’s far, and my legs are stiff and full of clonus. The trip fell short about 5m from the MRI doors. I sat down again on the rollator, and then I had difficulties getting back up and walking again.

Oh no! Who’s there to help? There’s nobody in the hall!

Out popped the MRI tech, and confirmed if I was the next appointment. I said yes, and asked if there was a wheelchair nearby. They indicated that yes, there was one.

Hooray! Saved!

They vanishes for a bit, and then reappeared with a wheel chair. It was a bit finicky and the foot stands are a bit stiff and reluctant to move, much like my legs.

We are simpatico!

They were kind enough to push me into the MRI room, set me up and handed me the check-in sheet to tick all the boxes that make me feel like I haven’t lived or nearly died. Yup, no extra metal in me, check all the no boxes and I begin to mentally prepare having to walk the dangerous magnetic field!

No canes, no walkers, nada! Well, maybe a tech’s shoulder…

As my turn came up, I was asked a simple question of metal in mark, clothes, etc. I was obviously wearing the athleisure wear that I’m so fond of, so no metal except the zippers on my shoes! To my surprise, shoe zippers were not a problem!?

Quelle surprise!

Want another surprise? The wheelchair I was rescued in is MRI safe! Fuck yeah! So I got wheeled right up to the machine and I didn’t need to change! And it was a brain MRI which would only be about 20-25 minutes or so. No big deal.

Now the tech’s concerns of my ability to get onto the machine were valid, but I assured them that I got this. I was relaxed and rested from the wheelchair, and the lack of clonus in the past 15 minutes, so I sprang up and get on the slab. My only concern was there was no clear indication of where my head should go, as it was all covered in a single use sheet. They pointed to the spot and I swung myself on to the table.

Perfectly!

My spacial relations and knowing my torso length paid off, I dare say it was a flawlessly smooth motion, which was a tiny boost I needed for the day.

The rest was fairly uneventful. They crammed ear plugs in my ears, put the little head cage over my face, and I was allowed to expose my nose. I had inquired, and they have a Swiffer for cleaning the machine out after each patient!

The marvel of modern medicine?

Ok, so beep beep thump thump whirr whirr and done. Now what? How am I getting out of here with my family outside and the people restrictions so low? I text and asked them to swing by and wheel me out.

I was not going to fall because of pride today!

So I was told I couldn’t use the old wheelchair to go out, unless it’s promptly returned as it’s the only one in the building. Now, I had to ask, what it cost and why there was only one. Well the number was large! So, if anyone is reading this and has the means to donate, the hospitals always need money to assist people like you and me!

https://qe2foundation.ca/ways-give

So my family checked out a wheelchair at the entrance and I could hear my kid’s voice carry down the hallway as they approached. To my surprise, in comes my 5-year old pushing a wheelchair with a huge smile in his eyes!

He was stoked to help Daddy!

So a transfer chairs I go! Once I get settled, I asked if he wanted to push my rollator out for me. He politely refused and wanted to push me. And push he did! I helped with the steering and the maintaining momentum, but he pushed me the whole way because he “wanted to be a helper today”.

Now I have a huge smile under my face mask!

He pushed me the elevator and was emphatic that he gets to push the elevator buttons. All I had to tell him was the number to press and we were almost out! Now since my partner had to park the vehicle, we were left on the sidewalk while she retrieved our wheels. He ran around to burn off some energy and then hopped onto my lap.

I was so full of glee, that I had to tell him how proud I was of him. I even asked the security guard who popped out to confirm how awesome he was at helping!

So on the drive home, there were high fives to be had with the back seat passenger.

I am eternally grateful for my loving family!

Yay Weekend!..?

Yes, as the week progresses and you look forward to the weekend, you start to get excited for a few nights without responsibilities, but alas, that hope is dashed when you realize you s tart an on call week on Friday.

Yay.

This is the least fun part of working but a necessary evil!

But the week wasn’t all bad. It was busy, I felt accomplished, and I can’t really say I had a bad day. Even my legs were mostly behaving.

So, let’s see what Christmas shows we watched today!

Yo Gabba Gabba Christmas & Doc McStuffins saves Christmas. Yay, two more done for the holidays. I think we may try movies again this weekend.

Right now, we have the eternal struggle of bedtime.

My kid impresses me most days by speaking new French words at random, and has asked me the French version of words tonight. He said scissors in French, and asked about TV in French! I’m glad it appears like he is absorbing some of the language.

Now to get him to try and participate in things.

Yeah, he’s basically failing phys ed because he’s “shy” or “scared” because he doesn’t know what to do. It’s sort of giving me flashbacks to my first time swimming, and the total failure that was my yellow swim badge.

Well, just had an hour of work with a person in China. International support during on-call! Scotland, it’s your job now to not lose power and trigger a phone call to wake me up tonight!

My train of thought has vanished, I wish you all a good night and a good weekend.